By Rebecca Harrelson, Staff Writer

Published in print Jan 14, 2015.

Name. Age. Where you live. Are you straight, lesbian, bi, poly, trans, queer, gender queer, cis? What are you doing with your life?  What do you spend a lot of time thinking about?

All of these questions are used in various online dating sites, in hopes to narrow down the population around you with a match. Whether for a day, a night, a month or longer seems to be entirely up to the user.

  The common denominator I have found on many of these sites is a variation of the following sentence: “UGH I really hate talking about myself but I’ll try.” Listen, we understand you don’t want to toot your own horn, but if you are looking for genuine friends or anything more you need to be upfront and honest about yourself, and what exactly you’re looking for on said site. 

So I talked to some students and friends of mine who had opinions (and hilarious stories) about online dating sights.

My friend Cal, not his real name of course, gave me the perplexing thought that Tinder and the system “Swipe right if they are attractive to you, or Swipe Left if they don’t meet your standards,” may actually be more effective than one may think. Say you are out at a bar, you probably notice someone because they are attractive to you (swipe right), then you get to talking and realize they pick their nose, have twelve dogs and hate to read (swipe left, swipe left!) Most of us need to be physically attracted to someone to pursue them romantically, amongst all the other attributes we long for.

There is also this stigma attached to online dating. That if you are on a site you are, I wouldn’t say desperate, but your certainly viewed as needier than most. The truth is in fact that on my site I say I am happily single and a really independent woman who doesn’t need anyone romantic in my life. I follow that statement up with yet I am also open to meeting people who mesh well with me. I’m a busy lady, and there is a large portion of those online, too busy to go sit at a bar for hours every other night blowing money hoping to meet someone. 

It doesn’t matter where, you’ll always find some “sleazy” people, some “normal” people, people of all races, ethnicities, backgrounds, education levels, some good at grammar some not at all, and many different sexual orientations.

These sites are not always used for simply dating, many use them for friends, “rock climbers seeking other rock climbers” and no, that is not a euphemism. You move to a new city or town and maybe you don’t know anyone, might as well try your luck at this online scene.

Arielle Kuperberg, Assistant Professor in the Department of Sociology at UNCG has done research on this exact issue, recently publishing an article about meeting partners and online dating.

Her studies conclude that heterosexual college students don’t normally use online dating sites as much as homosexual students.

The percentage of women dating men met on dating sites 3.4 percent, men dating women 1.9 percent. Women hooking up with men: 2.2 percent Men hooking up with women: 1.2 percent This is where it gets interesting (well for a lesbian it does) Women dating women 9.9 percent Women hooking up with women 6.4 percent Men dating men 25.2 percent Men hooking up with men 18.8 percent

I asked Kuperberg her thoughts on the LGBT results and why she thought more of the gay population used these sites. “…its harder to find partners who are also interested in same sex encounters- so they look online specifically because they are a rare group, so if they relied on finding people just “naturally” they would have much less opportunities to hookup or date” Kuperberg explains.

A polymorous couple I am friends with gave me great insight to a whole other aspect of these sights. We spoke about how age, and demographic dearth plays a large role in finding a mate in life, regardless if it is online or in person. For those who don’t know Polyamory is the non-possessive, and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory in itself has so many sub categories I couldn’t begin to cover them all here. The idea of polyamory isn’t new to me, nor it turns out is it new to many students at UNCG. Various online dating sites are filled with students, alumni and anyone else in the community with a wide variety of ages, and backgrounds. 

Yet what I find interesting is the public stigma these sites hold, which hinders the ability to talk freely about sexuality and sex.  So I have come to the conclusion from this process and my own opinions that regardless of whom or what you are into, there is a site for you and if you go about your life hiding who and what you love no one really wins.

The world doesn’t progress or grow. If you want casual sex, then obtain casual consensual sex, if you want a relationship obtain a consensual relationship. These sites are only what you make them not what society tells you to make them.

May the odds be ever in your favor!