By Taylor Smith, Staff Writer

Published in print Jan 21, 2015

Not too long ago, our university was caught up in the midst of an immense (at least by university standards) controversy over the construction of a new recreation center.  It would appear that UNCG wishes to focus its efforts in rallying the campus around sports and athleticism.  Many believe this is a futile plan since this is a liberal arts college. 

I personally care little for the controversy; I will be long gone from here before these changes go into effect.  Yet I consider myself a reasonable person and try to look at these issues from both perspectives.  Not only that, but I also seek solutions that benefit everyone and that’s what I shall attempt to do here, offer solutions.  After all, complaining without giving suggestions to fix a problem is simply whining and I am certainly no whiner.

So what would be the best way to placate these two parties?  How can a liberal arts college strongly promote sports and athleticism?  By picking a sport that allows us to pretend to be athletic; to act like athletes without really being any.  Therefore, I suggest that UNCG start its own professional wrestling organization.  I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Professional wrestling?  That sounds dumb, I think this idea is just plain silly.”  Well it doesn’t matter what you think!  Consider what professional wrestling is about, showmanship.  It’s not so much how skilled one is in actual wrestling, but how over the top one can be while wrestling.  It’s about working a crowd with charismatic rhetoric.  Imagine how that could benefit the many students at UNCG.  Suppose you are a business major who needs to work on communication skills.  Just grab a mic, jump in the ring, and start trash talking.  You have to be quick, you have to be witty, and you have to be competitive to get anywhere in this world.  What better way to practice one’s wit than in an arena surrounded by thousands where pride and reputation is on the line?  Should you succeed, you can reap all the benefits that come with good showmanship.  You can prove to all of UNCG that you are the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.

Let’s also consider the students on campus who are athletic, particularly those into body building.  After months of intense weight lifting, they could show off by standing in the middle of a ring and ripping their shirts off while screaming in testosterone fueled rage.  Perhaps all that screaming and trash talking might also prove to be an excellent stress reliever for students.  Of course, I can’t forget the students who don’t look like living statues of Greek gods.  Every Undertaker needs a Paul Bearer and a good match needs good commentators.  There can be plenty of roles to easily fill and anyone can get involved.  The only real challenge would be finding a faculty member who is competent enough to both manage the program and play the role of a maniacal, power-crazed boss.

Now I know I haven’t mentioned things like ethics, or costs, or safety.  I say we can deal with the effects of someone being thrown into a table when that time comes.  For now let us focus on how this could help our school.  People make fun of us for not having a football team, well now we can make fun of them for not endorsing a sport where people get hit with chairs while shouting “whatcha gonna do now, brother?”  I am quite confident that a professional wrestling organization would be the best thing for our campus.  Perhaps more so than any other sport and as a wise man once said, “That’s the bottom line.”