By Rebecca Harrelson, Staff Writer

Published in print Jan. 28, 2015

There is a shift in what has been expected of women. In the past we have been expected to smile, conduct ourselves in a reserved manner, and to promptly say “thank you” as soon as a man complements our outer beauty. To be gracious, stand still, not think for ourselves and to speak to every man who gives us the time of day. When we don’t comply we’re labeled a “bitch.” Well sir, that day has come and gone.

Society has built itself up over the years putting men in higher category and women in a lower one. If you challenge this notion in any way, you are a minority. If you aren’t “tough like a man” or if you don’t objectify women, your manhood will be revoked. Similarly, if you don’t gracefully giggle and laugh at every unfunny joke or alter yourself to only rely on your superficial beauty you are falling below standard as a woman.  And for lack of word count I’ll be blunt. There is this unfathomable notion that men can’t cry, they can’t show emotion, or treat others with closeness and respect. They must strut around with their minds constantly on sex, strength and bringing home the bacon. 

Women, who told you that as soon as someone calls you beautiful you are obligated to say “aww thank you?”  When in reality you can say, “thank you,” you can say “yes, and I am also intelligent or funny.” You can say anything or nothing you want!

We have been putting these narrow confines on both men and women, and it is building this conception in our minds that if we don’t follow them the world will implode.

Men can be graceful and beautiful. Women can be strong and driven. The word masculine should not be a put down for women, and the word feminine should not be a put down for men.

We have all heard the words “don’t be a pussy,” “friendzoned” or “bros before hoes.”  Males are posturing themselves around how other men are posturing, they see a guy treat someone poorly, they follow the lead.  They hear someone call a guy a “fag” and they think that all men who act like that must also be labeled a “fag” which perpetuates the cycle.  Showing emotion, being vulnerable, being kind to others, helping someone is not a weakness; it’s strength in moral character.

Being a “player,” having this mindset that whomever you speak to or give your time to must comply and give you something in return is sheer ignorance. The term “friend zone” is another box we have deemed necessary in our society. I’ll tell you a little secret, the “friend zone” doesn’t exist.

A remarkable slam poet Dylan Garity wrote a piece on the “friend zone” that sums up anything I could ever try to say about this term:

“He does everything a boyfriend would do — but without the benefits. As if the only reason to be a good friend or a decent fucking human is if you get something in exchange. You put in your hours as a nice guy and sex is just a living wage but sex is not a transaction. Sex is not a handshake to seal some deal. That girl did not owe me anything.”

You have been told to treat gender a certain way and to get mad when it doen’t follow the form. Break the societal norm; show an emotion other than anger. Maybe sincerity and compassion might do the trick. Ladies, when someone tells you that you are beautiful, you have the ability to say anything you’d like. You also have the ability to direct their minds to something other than your outward appearance.  The only way to break this gender cycle we have fallen into is to use our voices. To the men, women and everyone else, we are so much more than what society is giving us credit for.