By Taylor Smith, Staff Writer

Published in print Mar. 17, 2015

This week marks the return of students and classes from the week long Spring break.  It also signals the return of my weekly ramblings.  Actually, I was planning on retiring but so many people from my 3-to-5 reader demographic demanded that I continue.  So here I am, and with Spring break still on so many peoples’ minds I figured I would use this week’s article on that particular topic. 

More specifically, I’d like to talk about the poor students who happen to stay on campus during their Spring break.  Yes, there are many students who either choose to stay or are forced to do so under a number of circumstances. 

For those who always leave campus during breaks, you may not be aware of how difficult it is to live on campus when nearly everything is closed.  Food is scarce as pretty much every dining service is either closed entirely or operates on a shortened schedule.  Heaven forbid anyone who attempts to go to a place when it’s on shorter schedule.  In those dark times, it is common to see lines on lines on lines of students trying to order food.  Legend says that years ago, a riot broke out at UNCG’s Bojangles.  The deadly combination of hunger and impatience drove many students to violently clash inside the restaurant.  Tragically, ten died from the fighting and four from starvation. 

There was only one confirmed injury, the individual sprained an ankle while attempting to leave.  Obviously the solution to this potential crisis is to offer more open dining options during breaks.  Yet we see how shameful the university is as it has yet to do anything to prevent this catastrophe from happening again.

The campus can also be an incredibly lonely place for students.  Although it can be nice to wonder around the university while it’s nearly deserted, many students tend to show signs of depression.  And by many, I mean the statistics that I have just made up show that all UNCG students get depression if they stay on campus during breaks.  So what can the university do to keep these students from killing themselves?  One solution could be secretly taking them on a field trip.  If done secretly, this will keep the multitude of other students from staying over break to exploit this amazing opportunity.  Where will this field trip be?  It could be nearly anything; the zoo, the beach, the mountains.  What’s certain is that transportation will be handled by the Minerva statue; yes that statue. 

She will come to life and take over one of the Spartan Chariots.  Using her divine powers, Minerva will turn the bus into an actual Spartan chariot, horses and all.  Everyone will climb aboard and ride off to any expensive vacation destination, completely covered by the university and at the expense of all the other students who left for break.

That tuition money has to go somewhere.

Although many students leave over Spring break, it is still the university’s responsibility to ensure the wellbeing of the students who stay on campus.  I don’t think anyone would want to come back to school only to see the starved bodies of former classmates strung around campus.  I also don’t believe anyone would want to return to their room only to see their roommate hanging from a ceiling fan.  In fact, I had a roommate who stayed over break. 

When I entered the apartment, I saw a sad, pitiful sight before me.  My roommate, hunched over an empty bowl looked up at me and mumbled, “Food, I ran out days ago.”  I kneeled down in front of him and responded, “Can’t you cook?”  “No, they even turned off the electricity!”  I stared into his cold, starving eyes while shaking my head.  “Those bastards.”  I reached into my bag and pulled out a single chicken wing.  “Here my friend, eat.”  I then watched as he quickly scarfed down on the chicken until it was only bone; I’ve never seen anything more heart wrenching in my life.  UNCG, please, stop letting your students starve to death during holiday breaks.  They can deal with that once they graduate and can’t find a job.