By Taylor Smith, Staff Writer

Published in print Apr. 8, 2015

The other day I was walking about and came across a bike rack with a bird sitting on it.  I was surprised by how close I was able to get to the creature without it flying away. 

That experience made me think on how little I pay attention to the wildlife at UNCG to which I then came to a realization.  On my ventures through and about the UNCG I have noticed a severe lack of wildlife on campus. 

I have seen possums, rabbits, and cats throughout campus but they were few and far between.  Ever since that encounter, that bird has made me think of the variety of other winged beast that patrol the skies about us.  Sadness overcame me as I received yet another startling realization, where are the buzzards?

I am greatly upset, no, furious that there are no buzzards around UNCG’s campus.  Why shouldn’t I be?  Let me lay down some cool facts about buzzards and you too will be picking your beak at road kill in anger like me.  First of all, the most common buzzard in this area of the country is the turkey vulture. 

The word vulture is one of the coolest words in the American language.  I wish I could look up at the sky while walking to class and say, “Yep, them be vultures.”  Why can’t there be vultures on campus? 

We can have stupid, furry rabbits bouncing around campus and everyone thinks it’s adorable but put a vulture in the sky and people panic while thinking that it will swoop down and peck their eyes out.

The reason why I think the school should adopt some buzzards is because those wrinkly legged, red faced sky raptors saved my life.  When I was but a little lad, I got lost in the woods outside my home. 

I found a path but it was on an incredibly steep hill.  I climbed and climbed all the way up the hill but by the time I reached the top I was exhausted.  It was also in the middle of summer, so the glowing rays of the sun beat down on me like an alcoholic dad on his kids. 

Sweat poured down my body and dirt clung to my arms and legs.  I sat down to rest but would enjoy such luxury for long.  I looked over and saw a large snake slithering towards me. 

Naturally I was afraid but the serpent stopped a few feet before me and stared onwards.  We looked each other in the eye; then, the snake hissed and spoke.  “Hey kid!  Ssssyou want to buy some drugssss?”  “No thank you Mr. Snake,” I replied as I slowly stood up.  The scaly creature was persistent.  “Aww come on; I gotsss the good stuff.”  I then tried to run but the snake pursued me and I was too tired to run far.  Collapsing on the ground, I accepted my fate and waited for the snake to catch me.  But that was when it happened.

I saw a giant shadow glide across the sky, swoop down and grab the snake.  It was a vulture.  After he ripped the snake apart with his razor sharp talons he landed in front of me.

“You’re a brave young man.  I’ve been trying to shake out that drug dealing snake for a while and you helped me get him. 

How about I take you home?”  With that I climbed on the vulture’s back and we took off into the blue sky.  As we soured towards the heavens the bird said to me, “You should think about going to college. 

How about I take you to one” He quickly descended towards the nearest, decently priced university.  “Here you go buddy. 

Study hard and remember, winners don’t do drugs.”  So that is how I came to attend UNCG, and why I miss seeing vultures.  Please, bring back the vultures.