By Taylor Smith, Staff Writer

Published in print Apr. 15, 2015

I’m going to cut to the chase this week by saying it is about time UNCG change its mascot.  The Spartan thing is cool but, like the Greek messenger after the battle of Marathon, it has run its course.  Now at first I was thinking, why not go back to the original mascot when UNCG was known as the Women’s College? 

During that time, the school’s mascot was Minerva. So as usual, being the creative mind that I am, I will offer up a few suggestions on what I believe to be the best potential new mascots for UNCG.

Nathanael Greene or “The Fightn’ Greenes”

Here’s a little history lesson for you.  The city of Greensboro is named after the famed Revolutionary War hero, Nathanael Greene. 

He led the Americans during the battle of Guilford Courthouse which, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, was in Greensboro.  I believe that relating the campus to the town’s historical roots gives it a stronger tie to the city itself.

It’ll look as if the university is saying, “We’re proud to have our university in this city.”  This would also reflect our track record with sports as Nathanael Greene technically lost the battle at Guilford Courthouse.  But he did try, and that’s really all that matters in sports.

The Black Widows

Since UNCG began as a women’s college, I think it would be clever to embrace a mascot that relates back to the university’s origins. 

Now, I’m not sure if all black widows are female or if they really do kill their mates after mating. Assuming that it’s all true, I can imagine that all other university will tremble in fear at the sight of the UNCG Black Widows. 

Of course, this means we’ll need to replace the Minerva statue with a giant black widow.  And I don’t mean a statue of one; we need an actual giant spider on campus. 

We’ll win all the home games because none of the other college teams will bother to come to our campus.

The Charlotte Bobcats

Now that the Charlotte Bobcats have been rebranded as the Hornets, there are tons of unsold Bobcats merchandise just lying around all across the state.  What is anyone going to do with all those shirts, mugs, hats, and jerseys?  Keep selling them.  After all, they’ll be worth something one UNCG takes the Bobcats as its new mascot. 

Specifically, the Charlotte Bobcats as I know most of the merchandise will have that city’s name plastered over it.  Obviously it would be silly to sell something from Greensboro with Charlotte written on it.  Which is why the university will have to petition the city of Greensboro to rename itself Charlotte.

Skeletor

If we’ve reached this part of the list then it must mean that historical war heroes, failed sports teams, and spiders must not have grabbed the university’s attention.  I’m not sure why though.  So if all of those ideas fail, the only other reasonable solution would be to pick a mascot everyone knows and loves.  Skeletor would make for an awesome mascot because he’s an evil guy with a skull for a head and skulls are cool.  During a game, the handful of spectators could shout out UNCG’s new chant, “Nyyaahh, He-Man!”  Actually, it doesn’t even really need to be Skeletor, just pick any well known cartoon villain from the late 80’s.  The nostalgia factor alone would have 30-something year olds scrambling to go back to school and UNCG would be their top priority.  Maybe.