Aidan Van Nynatten 

News Writer 

Photo credit: UNCG Esports 

This past weekend, the Esports Arena in the William E. Moran Commons issued perhaps its most exciting announcement since opening: the VR section will now be preloaded with a new game titled Fully Funded Department Simulator. The breakthrough game results from a collaboration between computer programming student interns from UNCG and industry professionals.  

Playtesters from the UNCG community have already weighed in on the game, and the feedback is nearly unanimously positive. “It’s amazing,” said Professor Professorson. “Every whiteboard has markers and erasers…every single one! Plus, there were fifteen students and 25 desks, and I would normally expect exactly the opposite.”  

Students are equally thrilled by the addition. “The graphics are shockingly realistic. We’re talking Triple-A-level quality here. It’s like you’re really sitting in a generic lecture hall,” said biology major Will Taylor. People have also praised the game for its representation of professors with no stress or having to juggle too many responsibilities—most instructor avatars don’t even drink coffee.   

However, the game has had detractors who have pointed out small details that break their immersion. “To be honest, I was a little disappointed that you didn’t have to use dual-factor authentication to get into anything,” said Spanish major Tara Reddy. “I mean, where are the convoluted cybersecurity measures? Also, my email never crashes.”  

Media studies major Brian Suarez remarked, “OK, the professor AIs were well programmed and gave great lessons. I learned a lot, but it’s hard to believe the game’s open world when the academic buildings look amazing, but the rest of campus is just…plain. There aren’t even any expensive-looking sculptures or nice athletic facilities.”  

In addition to news of the launch, plans are already in the works to host a tournament in late March. Sixteen students will compete in a single-elimination bracket to see who can learn the most when there aren’t any institutional barriers to their education. The tournament winner will receive a $10 gift card to Panda Express, almost enough to cover a full bowl with appetizers and a drink. Furthermore, the winning student’s department will receive a $5 Panda Express gift card to split among the faculty.  

Although it has yet to be confirmed, there is a tentative plan for a sequel titled Student Debt Cancellation Simulator. The developers have told fans to expect delays, however, as several programmers have left for better-paying jobs to help make progress on their massive student loans.