Lee Krebs, Staff Writer

When I started school this year, I could not drive, I had no money, and I had no job. Now, at least, I have a job. I’m basically living off the free food the school gives me–which means I’m blowing through Spartan Meals. Working at the Spartan Market, it’s not at all hard for me to grab a meal and eat it behind the counter. Because of this, I have tried all of them (except the ones at Salsarita’s, BWW, and Crave because I didn’t know they existed. Does anyone know about those?) 

Here’s a ranking of which meals you should eat. 

6: Lil’ Garden Salad. To be honest, this one was doomed to be in last place. I don’t even like lettuce or tomato. What really attracted me to it was that hard-boiled egg on top, which was easily the best part. I’m sure if you like lettuce this one is a must-have, but for me, I see no reason to get it over the other ones (unless the Spartan Market is out of literally everything else). 

5: Jimmy Dean Biscuit. I just always forget this one exists because it feels so out of place compared to the others. In my eyes, a Spartan Meal is quick food you can take on the go between classes. Where are students going to find a microwave to heat this thing up? Needing to go all the way back to your dorm to heat up a biscuit just sounds like a waste. That’s not to say it’s a bad biscuit. They’re perfectly fine, but it loses points for making me go all the way back to Spartan Village to eat it. 

4: Otis Spunkmeyer Muffin. First of all, Otis, you have an unfortunate last name. Secondly, these muffins are extremely deceptive. I always grab one thinking it’ll be a nice little breakfast before work or before class and then I’m halfway in and I need to throw it away because I feel disgusting while eating it. It’s strangely greasy, and overall just way too big and way too filling. I can never eat a whole one. That said, the first half is always pretty pleasant, and it gains points for being the only free source of chocolate on campus. 

3: Ramen. I mean, what is there to even say about ramen? It’s the broke college student staple. Personally, I like the chicken flavor. This also avoids the “I need to go back to my dorm” problem that the Jimmy Dean biscuit has because the Starbucks drink dispensers in the Spartan Market & Marketplace are filled with hot water. Solid filling meal. 

2: Hot Dog. I can’t believe it, but UNCG is serving us actual real food. The hot dogs sold at the Spartan Market are easily one of the best options for a meal, because it is an actual meal and not just a bunch of preservatives in the vague shape of a muffin. Hot dogs taste fine, and you can get chili or cheese on them (though it costs an extra dollar, the cheese is worth it). It’s basically the same as any three-dollar ballpark hot dog, except it’s free. My only complaint is that supplies are extremely limited, so I always get unlucky and show up when they’re already sold out. 

1: Uncrustables. These things are stupid delicious. I don’t get it, I don’t know why, and by all accounts these things should be awful. It’s just a normal PB&J sandwich, and it’s beautiful. I eat probably six Uncrustables a day. You get two with the Spartan Meal, with flavor options of strawberry or grape. I personally prefer grape, but the strawberry is by no means bad. Plus, they’re absolutely perfect for walking between classes. What I often do is have these for lunch and either make ramen or get a hot dog for dinner. 10/10, no complaints.