By Taylor Smith, Staff Writer

Published in print Mar. 4, 2015

Anyone who has spent more than two minutes walking around campus will know that the university houses a large pantheon of student organizations.  We know this because many of us make detours away from the EUC during midday to avoid being bombarded by the recruitment calls of these groups and clubs.  I’m sure there are several well respected and established organizations on campus; I can’t think of any at the moment but I admit the fault lies with my own ignorance…and apathy.

  Frankly, I don’t know of any student organizations that I would care to join; I have yet to see one that caters to my specific interest.  Surely I am not the only one who feels this way?  Perhaps there is a club or organization for me it just hasn’t been formed yet.  Or, perhaps the school refuses to allow such a club to be formed. 

You know that some students have tried to pitch an organization but were denied due to some multitude of reasons.  The reasons most likely related to funding but I’m sure intent and subject matter have also been a reasonable cause.  In fact, there have been attempts to create campus organizations that the school denied over “ethics.”  I know this because I have done intensive research in the last five seconds and found a handful of clubs that were rejected by the school.  So this week, I will be shedding light on a couple of student clubs that I believe UNCG should reconsider for endorsement.

1. The Federation of Spider Herding.

Everyone hates spiders.  Arachnophobia is one of the most common phobias in the world but the Federation of Spider Herding finds this fear to be quite insulting to their eight legged friends.  Students apart of this organization wish to help others overcome their fear of the creepy crawlies.  I must apologize, that kind of language is exactly what this organization is fighting against.  By joining this club, students will be responsible of bringing their own spiders. 

Collectively, the students will herd their spiders across campus to each and every dorm.  Once in a dorm, the spiders will be guided to crawl under the doors of each resident’s room, preferably while they sleep.  This will put students face to face with their fears; after all, they say exposure is the key to conquering one’s fear.  You can’t overcome your fear of heights until a friend pushes you off a cliff nor can you come to terms with living side by side with spiders until you have been locked inside a room with them.  UNCG denied the creation of this club stating that it “constitutes acts of domestic terrorism.” 

2. The Organization for the Restoration of the Mongolian Horde.

The nation of Mongolia has not been historically relevant in about 700 years.  In those days, the likes of Genghis Khan ruled over most of the known world.  This organization wishes to bring back what they describe as “the happy days” when people lived in constant fear of being pillaged by the never ending rampaging of the Mongols.  The club intends to dress as Mongolian warriors and traverse campus on horseback as well as having the right to challenge professors’ grades in a fight to the death.  I think this club could bring some much needed history and culture to the campus of UNCG. 

After all, the Caf recently gutted the Mongolian Grill so why not have something similar take its place?  The university refused to endorse the organization saying it would be a “minor nuisance for the safety and well-being of the campus.”

3. The Cult of Boxology

There are many religious organizations on campus that welcome people of nearly every faith.  Except that one, you know the one.  The Cult of Boxology is a small religious body that worships a plain cardboard box with an emotionless face drawn on it.  They call this deity, Boximus Prime.  The whereabouts of his temple remain unknown but legend has it that it used to be somewhere on campus. 

Boxologeists believe that each person’s soul is actually inside a carefully packaged box.  As a person goes through life, they are unknowingly delivering their package to Boximus Prime.  The committing of sins transfers as negligence to the box and if it arrives to Boximus in poor condition, he denies it access to Box Heaven. 

Personally, I find Boxology to be a fascinating religion; one worthy of being endorsed by the university.  Unfortunately, the school rejected the cult on the grounds that it was “un-Christian” and “potentially endangered post office carriers in cases of religious extremism.”

Categories: Opinions, Taylor Smith