Jackson Cooper
     Staff Writer

First, a rule: No chickens—ahem, children.

If you’re afraid that alcohol will turn you into a fire-breathing, Shakira-worshipping sex demon, then get out.

If you are that fire-breathing heathen, kindly pull up a chair and mix yourself a Cosmopolitan so you can enjoy this week’s tips: an all-inclusive and exclusive look into some of Greensboro’s most deliciously naughty (and nice) parties. Chickens—ahem, children—keep slurping on your juice boxes as the grown-ups teach you some lessons.

5. First Friday Every month, First Friday brings in the families, friends and festivities of Greensboro that make the small town/big city seem just that much more like a Raleigh-lite metropolis. Restaurants and shops open their doors as Elm street shuts down for the city’s party. I suggest bringing a flask to said event and following up a few swigs of “water” with some delectable snacks from the Food Truck Rodeo parked at Carolina theatre.

The street festival ends around 11:00 p.m., but by then the night is just beginning. Make sure you don’t use one of the passing children as a purse to hold your flask, because Mr. and Mrs. Jones wouldn’t much like their son getting hooked on “dad’s after-work-medicine” until at least eight or nine.

4. UNCG’s Big Fat Greek Parties I’m a bit biased, because my brother was a Carolina frat bro and the stories he would tell me of late night escapades and double-dog dares were (and still are) too good to be true. When I came to UNCG, I discovered the Greek life on campus was just as “Greek-y” as Ivy League schools and even Carolina.

On any given weekend, you can walk down Market and then turn left onto Aycock Street and hear the Greek houses beckoning young freshmen and wanderers in with the seduction of a bad Cameron Diaz romantic comedy trailer. And since I’m still unsure about all of the frats and sororities names, let’s call them all “Sum Kinda Epsilons”.

They all congregate into houses like Keebler Elves awaiting the return of their Chocolate Loving Goddess; I’ve rarely seen many of them leave the party houses—does anyone stand outside and smoke anymore?—but upon walking to the house, the beat drops and you’re handed a beer, a dance partner, and a hearty “Ayyyyeeeee” from everyone who will be your friends by the end of the night. It beats Netflix any day.

3. CAB Carnival Okay, chickens—children—this is your event: Good old-fashioned Andy Griffith fun. The carnival is beloved by people young (little kids) and old (people under 21—little kids to some of us), but even those of us reaching for our LifeAlerts (21+) can enjoy it as well. CAB organizes a number of big, entertaining events that actually draw a lot of students. While you’re there you’ll constantly have the quote, “She doesn’t even go here,” ringing in your ears for the entire two hours.

The CAB Carnival is best enjoyed sober—in fact, I will put money on the fact that it is required that you enjoy it sober. Cotton candy, rollercoasters and games (yes, children, with prize plush bears for your dorm room) are more fun when you’re not spending the time figuring out how much tequila is “too much”. The CAB Carnival kicks off Saturday and is an all-day affair. Grab a buddy and enjoy being 18 again.

2.  Arts partiesThere was a place on a hill called “Narnia.” My freshman year, “Narnia” was the place to be. Anyone who was anyone went—and everyone was there. Four seniors lived in a dilapidated two-story house on Tate Street that seemed to expand Willy Wonka style when over 100 theatre students piled in. The parties were fun, and a chance for stressed-out artists to cut loose and enjoy themselves.

One guy enjoyed himself a bit too much and punched a hole in the wall. And then a boyfriend found out his girlfriend had been sleeping with her co-star on the porch in front of the bulk of the show’s cast. The only thing better than this is “The Sopranos”

Theatre parties, and any arts party for that matter, are a new level of extravagance. They’ll remind you of a Gatsby party where people go to escape the drama of their lives, but can’t help bring it in, along with a bottle of Chardonnay. It’s just a blast to watch the dramas unfold and be a part of the ensuing mess it creates. “Narnia” has since been renovated and the seniors have moved out, but walk up and down Mendenhall and Springdale on weekends and you may wander into an arts party.

1. Limelight I knew of a girl who drove an hour from Danville, V.A. just to go to Limelight. People who’ve gone to Limelight come back changed forever. Maybe it’s the damn good Cosmopolitans, or maybe it’s that Thursdays are College night and it’s free before 11:00 p.m. with a college ID (no flex, children).

Okay, it’s more than that. Limelight is the happening place in Greensboro. Decked out on three floors, the mega-hotspot is an invitation for everyone to live La Dolce Vita in the 336. And the best part of Limelight, in addition to its incredible deals for students and its extravagance, is the space itself. There is no sense of tightness or feeling claustrophobic, because there are always places to sit, talk, flirt, flounce, burp and drink (and repeat). It has the feel of a New York nightclub that only sleeps when all others in the world are awake.

So, live a little and get out your dancing shoes this weekend.