The Trump Baby Balloon Has My Vote


PC: Ritchie333 / Wikimedia Commons

Patrick O’Connell
Staff Writer 

During Donald Trump’s visit to London, the world was shocked by the appearance of a balloon resembling our president as a baby. There’s been a lot of criticism of the balloon’s appearance as a massive insult, and as a symbol of waning relations between the US and the rest of the world.

Having seen the Trump Baby float above the city of London, I was struck by the overwhelming fact that we’ve never had anything like it in the US. It was truly groundbreaking. I support the Trump Baby Balloon and in my opinion, it’s one of the most important balloons in all of history. Nothing like it has ever appeared in American politics. That’s why I believe the Trump Baby Balloon should consider going into American politics.

As soon as the Trump Baby Balloon made its first appearance, it had a very presidential essence to it. Something about it seemed to take the attention and respect of everyone around it. People really look up to that balloon. Unlike any politician ever, it has never told a lie. Politicians simply cannot be trusted anymore. Balloons, however, have an incredibly low rate of lying. Balloons are reliable ways of communicating when it is someone’s birthday or announcing the sex of an expected baby. Balloons, simply, are more trustworthy than politicians.

The biggest problem in American politics these days is the gridlock. Democrats and Republicans can’t seem to reach across the aisle and find a compromise. As far as we know, this balloon has no party allegiance. If elected president, the Trump Baby Balloon wouldn’t have to worry about reaching across the aisle because it could float over the aisle. Having no political party is something we should look for in future electees. The problem with a two party system is that you are guaranteeing conflict. A one party or a no party system would be much more efficient. What else would know more about having a good party than a balloon?

We’ve seen white presidents, we’ve seen a black president, we thought about a woman, but instead chose a cheeto. We’ve never tried a balloon for a president. With the current state of things, we need a shakeup. Breaking the typical political process is what we need. We need to take politics and smash it with a sledgehammer and hope that there are pieces left to work with.

The only way to do that would be to take a balloon and elect it president. If Liberals really cared about diversity and giving everyone a fair shot, they’d elect a balloon. When one thinks of how to solve economic problems such as inflation, they immediately think of balloons. The only way to have a fair and well-functioning government is if Capitol Hill looks like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Elect this balloon.

Categories: Opinions, Uncategorized

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