So you’ve had a first date and it’s gone well. You laughed, maybe even cried, but you got through it, and you got through it together. At this point in the relationship you don’t know if you just pity each other or if something really is happening between the two of you. The following list will provide some old fashioned inspiration for a stellar second date.
First Idea: You know what people love? People love water parks. I don’t know if it’s the water, the slides or the animals, but everyone’s face lights up when you tell them you’re gonna take them to a water park.
If your date is sensitive to the sun then buy them a hydrophobic wetsuit. You’ve got to be prepared for anything. It’s the least you can do for someone on a second date.
Second idea: Assuming you and your date have already discussed each other’s lives in adequate detail, for your second date, I think it’s important to discuss death as well.
Tour some funeral homes in your area. If you could see yourself dead for even a brief moment in any of the homes you see, it’s a good sign. Test your commitment for one another by imagining how you would plan each other’s funerals. There’s nothing more intimate than that.
Third Idea: Let your date experience a massage. If you felt a connection with this person and have no money, a massage date is the way to go. If the first date went well enough, it’s an excellent way to test if your date actually likes you.
The first step is to ask if your date has ever had a massage before, if the answer is yes, they have standards and it’s time to abandon ship. If the answer is no, they won’t know that you spent ten minutes Googling “how to give a massage,” and you’ll be good to go. If all parties agree, proceed but be sure to keep a chiropractor on speed-dial.
Fourth idea: Okay, I get it, it’s a free market and it’s tough to get a job out there. Especially when you have neither time nor experience. And so, what’s popular among millennials these days, is the gig lifestyle. Suggest to your date to busk on the street. If neither of you have any rhythm, though, I’m afraid you may have to spend more than $5.
Fifth idea: If you’re looking for a cheap date, try going to a museum and tell them that you’ve lost your child. Emphasize to your date that the child is very shy. Make sure you insist to the curators that the two of you must look for the child alone. That will give you plenty of time to steal a Monet.
Sixth idea: Meet at a park and talk about how your neoliberal market rationale could potentially sabotage any meaningful relationship to come out of this.
Seventh idea: A good thing to bring to a second date, no matter what you’re doing or where you are, is a basket of fruit. If your date eats all the fruit before it goes bad, then it’s a sign that they’re willing to eat just about any food you prepare. Make sure not to accidentally buy it wax, and they’ll fall in love with you.