Satirist’s Corner – Party Themes

My 2010 Halloween costume.

Flickr / Andy Ihnatko

Cason Ragland
Staff Writer

Everyone loves a party, but they only love the party if it’s got a great theme! The theme sets a kind of atmosphere for those to embrace or ignore. The latter is forbidden, of course, if you actually want to enjoy yourself. Imagine you’re invited to a Christmas in July Ugly Sweater Cook Out. Sure, it’s 90 degrees outside, but are you positive you don’t wanna take part in this killer theme? You’d be the outcast of the entire party if you didn’t. Now that I’ve emphasized the importance of themes, I’ll give you some sources of inspiration for your next shindig.

Only DJ’s:

This one is tough because you have got to know a lot of people who are willing to deejay a party. In fact, everyone you invite should be a deejay. Just get everyone to mix like two or three songs. Meanwhile, keep the dance floor as clear as possible. Make sure there’s plenty of room behind the deejay so that all the other deejays can stand beside him and wait for their turn. Of course, some might assume that doing this would just be an excuse for some kind of networking seance. Well, not literally a seance, unless the deejays are opening a portal to the spirit world. In that case you’d need a haunted house. Haunted house, is of course, debatably another party theme.

Safety First Party:

This one takes the most preparation by far, but it is worth it if you want your guests to feel safe at this party. Stop by any hardware store and get some foam and padding for any sharp edges in your house. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to have a deejay at the party, since they come prepared with deadly styluses they use to scratch up their Three 6 Mafia singles. Once you’ve got your home padded down, you’ll need to prepare some safety suits for your guests. Use anything you have from the hardware store to make, what I imagine would look like, those novelty sumo wrestling costumes. You’ll need enough helmets for your guests too, they’re part of the suit. The weight of this safety gear will make it hard to breath so just speak in whispers to one another. This will also ensure that no one will raise their voice and therefore not be angry. While all this preparation may put the social aspect of the party on hold, it’s the only way to know that your guests will trust their lives in your hands.

Bring Your Own Copy of a “Goosebumps” Novel:

You’ve been to parties, right? And some stranger has asked you for a copy of a Goosebumps book? They’re likely to say, “Yeah, I had one earlier on the shelf, and someone just took it, man.” Of course, you oblige and offer one of your own copies for him to read and enjoy for himself. There’s a way to bypass this award situation, however. If in your invitation you write BYOCGN, then everyone will understand that you just don’t have enough copies of Goosebumps novels to go around for the party to be satisfying. Yes, of course this isn’t the most hospitable move, but what are you going to do? Go out to a Barnes & Noble and beg the lady at the help desk to let you in the back room so you can get your hands on those shipments from your dear pal, Mr. R.L. Stine? I don’t think so.

Movie Night:

Now a movie night theme is what I call a social gathering. Every partygoer gets together a picks several movies to watch. While watching, don’t say a word to anyone about anything. Even if it’s about the movie. No, in fact, especially if it’s about the movie. That’s what you’re all there for, the movie. By the end of the party, you should have enough notes written down to give your formal critique. Whether your lens be Marxist or Freudian, it’s guaranteed to be a thrilling night of goodwill and cheer. This is a great way to become more closely acquainted with someone. In fact, you can become very close with an entire group of people if you have a large enough television and living room.



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