Satirist’s Corner – How to Enjoy an Art Museum

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Wikimedia Commons

Cason Ragland
Staff Writer

So you’ve been invited by one of your friends to an exhibition somewhere. Maybe it’ll be some place where the logo is just the name of the gallery with one of the letters turned upside down – that’s what I call design. Anyway, this friend of yours knows two people with a trust fund so you’d better take them up on their offer. This venture might be a worthwhile pursuit in networking. You could either meet other artists to further your career or wait for the museum to close and watch all the exhibits come to life. That way you’ll be able to speak to the forms of art themselves! I’ve never tried this technique, but that’s only because I’ve just thought of it. Throughout your time in the museum you’ll come upon social hurdle after social hurdle. With my wise words of advice, you’ll be able to leap over every societal obstacle that may come your way in the world of art.

The worst thing you can do when you look at a work of art is remain silent. You’re practically spitting in the face of the artist at that point. While you and your friend gaze upon the sculptures, paintings and drawings, be sure to keep a steady conversation or stream of consciousness. No matter what comes to your mind about any particular piece of art, just be sure to say it as soon as you can. There’s no point in thinking about it, seeing as the idea of an art gallery is to finish browsing as soon as possible. O, the thrill of the race! I can’t imagine a more exhilarating feeling. Just the two of us, zipping by all the numbskulls and morons who have to sit around and actually look at art in order to understand it. Don’t they know that this is a competition? Judging by the looks on their faces when I push them onto the floor, I’d say not.

If the artist is present then I’ve got even more knowledgeable knowledge to give to you. There’s a strict order of operations I go about when meeting an artist and observing their work at the same time. First, I try to imagine what it might look like if they were to touch up or edit their work without any clothes on. This is, more or less, a bizarre and personal fantasy of mine, but I won’t get into it right now. Let’s just say if you do the same as I, then you’ll thank me later. Secondly, after my romp within my own imagination, I approach the artist so that they can only see me in their peripheral vision. Through this stealthful approach, I’m able to put the artist in a more vulnerable situation, which makes the aspects of their personality more transparent to me. With these newfound intellectual insights I’m able to draw out even more enjoyment from the art presented in any gallery.

Just as I’ve always said, “art isn’t hard, it’s just boring.” It’s tedious, time consuming and overall just not something I’d like to do. However, by creating a competitive as well as a high stakes environment, the world of art can actually start to seem rather interesting. Instead of beautifully crafted works, I see banks of knowledge from which I must withdraw their entire volume of currency. I see other hopeful seekers of knowledge, milling around the gallery space trying to look like they’re not trying. Challenges in life, just like these, present people and things  as obstructions in your observational experiences. In my own time, I’ve found out how to utilize these obstructions for my own gain, because that’s what art is really meant for.



Categories: Arts & Entertainment, Reviews

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