But What of The 1%?: Satire

Ron de Varona
Staff Writer

PC: Maklay62

A new age is dawning on our democracy. It is one brought on the socialist shoulders of the ones known as the “Yang Gang.” Their plan, one might ask? Oh, well, it is one that would destroy the very bedrock our nation was founded on. Imagine this: every single United States citizen, regardless of class or health, would receive $1000 a month from our government. There are no requirements for this money. It can be spent on anything, no questions asked. 

Our nation was founded on the land of Native Americans through the labors of slaves, now why in God’s name would we want to help the sick, poor and homeless? I mean everyone knows that the American dream is to come to this country, be unwelcome and struggle to get by. If $1000 gets in these peoples hands, who knows what they might do with it. They might even try to better their lives! Imagine it: a world where every citizen can eat, pay rent and not worry about feeding their children and being a slave to a massive corporation. It’s ridiculous, I tell you.

The thought of having any money taken away from the $700,000,000,000 defense budget is honestly disgraceful and downright unamerican. It is completely irrelevant that if you do the math this budget can pay for Universal Basic Income with plenty of cash left over. You were a fool for thinking this you, silly, silly fool. We need bombs! Don’t worry your mind with such insane thoughts like how the taxpayers money is really spent. Just be afraid of inflation because other people like you would be getting money.

Inflation is a very good threat. It’s a very scary thing. It is only really brought up whenever someone wants to give money to people that don’t have enough. Recently the government printed $20 trillion for bank bailouts through the quantitative easing program and there was not even a smidge of inflation.

In all seriousness, we are facing a legitimate threat of mass job loss due to automation. Our homeless population is growing. Universal Basic Income seems to be a great place to start using some of that money, which is already in the economy, to pump more money into the economy. I fully support the idea of the government providing for our citizens well-being. It tackles poverty head-on and Andrew Yang is ready to lead the charge. 

Categories: Opinions

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