Satirist’s Corner – Help Them, Help Us

Opinions_Ragland_Surveillance_Sam Saunders_flickr

Flickr / Sam Saunders

Cason Ragland
Staff Writer

Surveillance is a tricky subject. Or is it? I never thought Orwell’s “big brother” thing was very intimidating. Afterall, I’m an older brother and I was nothing but the kindest sibling. Sure, there were a few fights here and there, but I won every single one of them to maintain the balance in our relationship. No personal relationship, however, can compare to the one you have with your governing body. Our government has assured us that they are only surveying us with the best of intentions; therefore, I believe it’s important for our society to willingly give them as much of our information as possible.

Detailed analysis of not only our representative’s rhetoric, but also their body language, leads me to believe that their aims are virtuous in protecting us. Many reporters have said that what our president or his administration tells us is not necessarily how it seems. It’s clear we have to look beneath the surface level of their rhetoric and analyze it closely.

In an interview with Sky News, former head of the CIA General Michael Hayden said “an awful lot of tweets that the President Elect has put out there about the American Intelligence community feel a bit like trash talk.” What General Hayden fails to understand is that Mr. Trump was merely trying to bring up morale. A little good natured needling never hurt anyone, right? Not to mention, there have been several instances of government officials fleeing, or even using self defense against reporters.

They must do this so as to get back to work and not waste time with the press. It’s rather honorable, really. Rather than simply talking about what’s going, these public servants show us the things we need to understand through movement and action. They are with the people, there’s no doubt. When I see a reporter ignore a question or simply run away from the camera into a bush, I’m reminded of the hardest working and most loyal representatives on the planet.

There is a virtue to living a completely transparent lifestyle, especially when it comes to the relationship between yourself and your government. The government is your friend, your pal and your gully. That’s why I always keep tabs with them. I constantly reassure them of where I am and what I’m doing at all times. In fact, I’d say my government is better than a friend.

You can tell them anything and they won’t judge you a bit. They may write it down or record what you say, but that’s only so they can bring it up later. Whether it’s a call back to a cool and hilarious joke, or they’re just trying to give you reassurance, it’s nice to know that your government is a friend who will listen.  Communication isn’t enough, however. Full transparency about your daily life and ongoing relationships are what’s really important.

Like I said, your government is something even better than a friend. You wouldn’t lie to someone who’s your best buddy, would you? I would hope not. Besides, whichever NSA agent you’re corresponding with must have several coworkers. All these people working together, trading information about your life, really makes for an efficient way to socialize. You won’t have to keep repeating all the details of your ongoing troubles to everyone because they’re all working together for you!

It’s hard for these guys to do everything they can for us, it really is. I’m just suggesting that we make their lives a little easier for them so that our lives are a little easier for us. Just imagine a world where a post office worker or an FBI agent wouldn’t even need a name tag or a badge. You’d just know them by name! The government is a pal unlike any other. A pal who’s there for you even if you aren’t sure if they are actually there at all. Like a guardian angel, they silently protect us.

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